What Do I Do Next?

When my husband caught Covid back in August of this year, I took the decision to cancel my classes for 7 days, this was just before a planned break when we had a holiday booked in Wales. 

When you are self employed - you budget and plan for the holiday time, accepting there is no holiday pay! But when struck down by illness or when circumstances (like my husband having Covid) forces your hand, then it can be challenging to admit that the best course of action is to stop and accept things. 

 

 It seemed the universe was conspiring to make me take a bit more of a break from my work. (In fact by law I could have run my classes but I knew the stress of knowing that it was quite likely I could contract the virus at home, wasn't worth it. I do work with an older population in some classes and did not want the worry of putting people at risk. In the end I didn't catch it thankfully)

So I was gifted some more time after having not enough hours in the day to do all the work-related and domestic jobs. I was actually quite gleeful at the thought of getting up to date with emails and sorting my admin. Paying all outstanding bills and tidying my house. The ticking off of chores on my to do list is very rewarding for me - sad but true!

However, as I was sorting through everything - I got to thinking, what happens when it's all done? When the laundry is all clean and put away. All my class plans neatly filed, class registers checked and double checked. Videos edited and uploaded. Venues paid up. Invoices sent. School uniforms bought and house looking spic and span (our house has never been spic and span!). I imagined myself sitting there with everything done... and it was utterly terrifying. I'm sure I would feel I was in free-fall, totally ungrounded...this was very interesting to me. I had been moaning about the never ending amount of stuff that needs doing, but the thought of everything being done was a terror inducing thought.

I laughed at myself! I actually spoke out loud and said - 'you're never bloody satisfied!'  In truth - all the stuff that I want to get done will NOT all get done and that is ok. 

Having time to actually step back from all the things that need to be done is important. Knowing that all the 'stuff' will never all be truly done is quite a relief, especially as I've now discovered - I don't want to get to that point anyway...do you?

www,yogiclaire.com 

Being stressed and how we get there...

 

A few months ago I had a really stressful week. Not full of death and destruction, just things not going according to plan in any way.  I like to think I am ok at handling stress - I do lots of practices to assist with this, like yoga of course, but also running, some breathing techniques, and cold showers (occasionally!) 

 

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

With my running and the cold showers - I'm deliberately bringing my nervous system into a state of arousal or a kind of stress. There are many reasons for doing this - boosting ones immune system being just one of those. So my body and my mind are quite used to being stressed in this controlled and practiced way. 

However, the week in question started with many of my plans for re-opening my yoga classes after lockdown being scuppered by one of my venues being unable to open up after all. This was after I'd booked everyone in and checked everything was going to be ok. Very frustrating, but not the end of the world.  

A few days later I was scheduled to have a heart monitor fitted for 3 days to keep a check on how things are with my ectopic beat, nothing majorly stressful but it's good to keep an eye on it, all fairly routine. Anyhow - the monitor was faulty and beeped an alarm every few minutes - even through the night, which led to no sleep. By this point - I'm feeling my cortisol level rising, feeling anxious, agitated and very grumpy. Plus so many messages and emails coming in from class members trying to book on classes, which is great, not complaining about that, but there were a lot in a short space of time. Then another of my venues sent an email of concern which I later found out had come to me in error!

Then there were all the other little day to day niggles on top of all of this - you know the ones, like the failure of the dog poo bag (there are two things in life that you do not want to fail on you, one is your heart and the other is a dog poo bag!!)

Add to this my old tinnitus problem rearing it's ugly head - (after many years of being at a low and manageable level) This made for one great big stress soup. Anyone who has tinnitus will know that stress can make it way worse and in my opinion, can actually bring it on.

I kept wondering how all my practices of stressing out body and mind in a controlled way, was different to this stress. This stress was out of my control, I had not instigated this stress so my narrative around it was very different. In my neuroscience study I have come across this idea from several professors of the subject, suggesting that it's not just the occurence of stress that is of note - it is HOW we got there and did WE have anything to do with it. Yes, it might seem obvious, but often we may think that stress is just a physiological response to some stimuli - but the narrative we have around that can have a massive impact on HOW we experience it.

Things calmed down a bit after that week and I got some decent nights sleep, my tinnitus faded back into the background again, so I'm thinking my cortisol levels balanced out to where they should be, higher in the mornings to get me going, but gradually reducing throughout the day - which is how things operate best for all of us.

If you feel you need some help with stress management, get in touch, I may be able to help you.

 www.yogiclaire.com 

 

A History of Connections

Sale Moor Methodist Church

May 2021 saw our return to the yoga room, after another long period of teaching online due to the lockdown. It was truly wonderful to be back in the church for my Thursday evening classes (and for the moment on Tuesdays too) as well as some other venues in Sale.

It felt familiar and grounding to be back, after all the uncertainty and challenges of the past year. The smell of the church, the familiarity of the space - like the bricks and mortar were welcoming us all back.

I've taught yoga here for over 10 years and as many people know I have strong connections to this church which date back generations. My Mum attended Sunday school there and my Grandparents were members of the congregation. I went to playgroup there in the 1970s and still remember the polka dotted milk beakers we were given. I attended Brownies there in the 1980s and even had my 10th birthday party in the cellar with my Dad as DJ (this was 1983)! See the photos below - for a good laugh!!

Mum and Dad looking like 80s icons!

 

 

 

 Me and my big sister - yes that is me with a scarf round my head, I always did like to experiment with interesting 'fashion' choices.

 

 

 

 

 Dancing in the cellar at the church. My Dad was blasting out some 80s bangers! 

 

Then my own children attended playgroup there, and my eldest went to Paintbox - the childrens art club run by the church. My eldest also attended Friday night youth club where he played table tennis in the same cellar I'd had my party all those years before.

I've been teaching my yoga classes there every week for years and holding many Saturday morning workshops, which are always well attended. They are really social events and the yoga is just a part of it - the gathering together is the main focus. 

Interestingly, some contacts I have are researching the history of the church. They have found documents relating to the building, which include someone with a surname of Darbyshire (my Mum's maiden name) There is also mention of a dwelling in Sale Moor where we know my Great Grandparents lived, near the boundary of Manchester and not far from the church, and apparently meetings were held at this house before the church itself (as we know it now) was built. We are still trying to find out who the person is as we only have an initial so far. But it seems they may have been a significant figure in the setting up of the very church that I teach yoga in and have had so many connections to! No doubt there will be a part 2 of this blog once we find out more.

No wonder I feel so at home there. It really is a great hub for the community of Sale Moor - with all the groups that meet there and all the events that have been held there over the years. 

I am hoping that next year things will be more like they used to be, with craft fairs, the May fair and Christmas Fair all going ahead again. Not to mention some more of my yoga workshops and my continuing classes. These community buldings are so important to everyone who use them regularly.

I also think it's pretty cool that if I stick my head out of our loft window at home - I can see the roof of the church, and I did that many times over lockdown, thinking one day we will be back practicing yoga there - and thankfully, now we are!

 www.yogiclaire.com

 

Increasing Empathy

I'll let you into a secret. I don't like New Year's Resolutions - I've written about it before, and that's not the secret by the way! The secret is I actually made one this year! It is to improve my skills around empathy. 

There was a lot of emphasis on empathy in the counselling course I completed last year, it got me thinking that I have sometimes spent a lot of time contemplating my own naval, rather than looking outwardly and putting myself fully in other peoples' situations. Yoga and other mindfulness practices do encourage this inward gazing quality, which can be great for personal growth, but I feel we can end up too far into the realm of self-study if it means we are forgetting to engage with all the things going on around us.

So I came up with a loosely structured plan. Here is a summary of what I came up with.

1. Using visualisations to completely take myself into someone else's situation. This has been a difficult one, as over the past year most of us have been living in survival mode to some degree and there feels like less space in our brain to be imagining someone else's situation. But I stuck at it and I have got better at putting myself into someone else's shoes. Some situations have arisen where it has been a perfect (but incredibly challenging) opportunity to do this. I've really had to dig deep to try to understand why some people have the views they have and behave in the ways they do. To leave judgement to one side and put my energy into reflecting on why they feel/behave the way they do.

2. Understanding that empathy is the core of human nature. I did some reading around the subject of empathy, from neuroscientists, psychologists, life coaches and other yoga teachers and what I gleaned from them (who are infinitely more wise than me) is that empathy is the core of human nature. I really do believe this - yes lots of things get in the way of this and it can remain hidden but there is evidence and there have been some decent studies out there that prove this is the case. I have reminded myself of this often.

3. Much of the counselling course focused on listening skills. So I have been practicing these - I sometimes have an annoying tendency to interupt people with some insight or something I have learned relating to what they are talking about. But I realise that when I do this - I am not fully present, as I'm thinking about what to say next, instead of fully attending to the person in front of me (or the person at the other end of the phone line) This past year has helped, in that many interactions have been by email and this has been surprisingly useful for me. I am reading and re-reading emails in order to fully understand what people are conveying. Then I can respond with more thought and consideration, but yes, there is still room for improvement here too!

4. Learning about people. I've also been deliberately reading more blogs written by people with very different backgrounds, lives and views to myself, this can be challenging, as often there is an instant reaction to disagree. But stepping back and reflecting on why that person has those views can give us more insight into their lives and what they have experienced. (Of course it is easier to empathise with people who are very much like ourselves)

5. Maintaining curiosity about other peoples' lives is another approach which links into the previous point. I know someone who is naturally like this - always asking questions with a genuine interest and curiosity about other people. This person has been an inspiration for me to look outwardly a little bit more. Being a natural introvert, plus practicing yoga for many years has to some extent exacerbated this inward gazing tendency, but with this plan for increased empathy, I feel this will improve how I operate in the world. 

Many of you reading this will naturally be much more empathic than I am, but I do think it is something we can all practise and improve on, with a bit of awareness and a capacity to place ourselves in someone else's situation.

So there is my confession - I made a New Year's resolution - but I do think it is a worthwhile one especially for 2021.

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